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Sunday, 15 July 2012

This Is The Weirdest Car You'll Find On eBay This Week

Nope, it's not a 5-Series. Guess again.
This car lives in Ipswich, in Suffolk. Ipswich likes the colour blue, as it adorns their football team's kit and has done for generations. This, however, is a slightly excessive application of blue hue, as you'll see in pictures of the engine and interior. But that's not the strangest thing about this car. You may well have recognised the rear end to be that of an E60-generation BMW 5-Series, but doesn't the wheelbase look a little... short? And where's the Hoffmeister kink that adorns the side windows of all BMWs?

OK, so this isn't actually a BMW 5-Series M-Sport, despite the rear bodywork. Let's look at the front and see what it is:

Nope, it's not an Audi A4. Guess again.
See? It's a previous-generation Audi A4. Told you it wasn't a BMW... except that it isn't an Audi either. Otherwise the proud four rings wouldn't have been covered in an ugly piece of plastic and the lower grilles wouldn't be blue, they'd be black. And they'd be grilles. We're getting warmer though, for this is an all-wheel-drive car. I'll give you a clue - it's not just ITFC that are associated with the colour blue...

Can you tell what it is yet?
OK, enough is enough. This is a 1993 Subaru Impreza WRX, featuring turbo power, a performance exhaust, uprated brakes, "audio"... and only one door handle. That seems a little odd, even when you step back and look at the whole thing to see three very different cars in one place. Does only the driver's door open? Did nobody else want to be seen in it besides the slightly loopy driver? Or did they just realise what the interior looks like and run a mile?

Hmm... needs more blue.
The dull plastic dashboard is unmolested, but personally I just hate that steering wheel. Considering the fact that the bodywork is surprisingly well-finished considering what must've been involved, that wheel looks like it cost a fiver or came off a Playstation wheel set from a brand you've never heard of. It also has blue highlights, which is true of the pedals, golf-ball gear stick and floor mats as well. The pillar-mounted gauge looks very Japanese-tuner, unlike the outside.

Try focussing on the yellow parts instead and it's not so hideous...
Under the bonnet, the 2.0-litre flat-four turbo is effectively standard-fit, save for new oil and blue hoses (ohh, the blue hoses...). Impreza rally cars featured a yellow-on-blue livery, and the engine bay's colour scheme follows suit, whether you like it or not. Amusingly, in the "power" section of the ad, the seller put "YES". Thus, we can safely assume that the Subeemeraudi actually moves.

So what must you pay for this bemusing blue BeeEmAudiRu? Currently, with six days to go, the bid stands at £4000. For that you get what other sellers would refer to as a "genuine head-turner", which has apparently come to the country from overseas, had nine previous owners and done over 110,000 miles. You're allowed to go and view the "lovely, lovely car" yourself in Ipswich, just in case you think this is some horrible Photoshop prank. You can see the advert here, or if you're reading this a week or more after it was posted, see a picture of what you've missed out on here, which includes an ad for a free eye test from Specsavers, perhaps the most appropriate bit of online advertising ever!

Just a quick note - the seller says that this car is "collocation only", so make sure that the buying process is all arranged in the right order. Clearly it's important to him/her that it is!

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